I wanted to write this entry more in depth than I could put on a comment
Saratoga on his Blog commented
I don't feel it is appropriate to explicitly expose my own children to such themes in their adolescence or early adulthood. Neither does my Mistress. I am not criticizing those Women Who propose to do so. Clearly, there is a range of attitudes on this matter. For instance, from Her profiles on Her Blog and website,
Bonnie appears to contemplate explicitly introducing Her Female Dominant lifestyle to Her children at an early age.
My reply to Saratoga’s comment on his Blog <
here>
Congrats once again Saratoga on a well written post so many young girls and boys of today don't realize the implications of their actions until they reach maturity.
I would like to add just for clarification your use of the word explicitly got me a little perturbed. I do NOT intend on EXPLICITLY introducing my children to Femdom..I intend on telling them of all the different sexual cultures, teaching them to be open to other non mainstream activities be it gay, fetish, BDSM, LFA, Femdom, the manonthemoon (in essence not be a sexual choice bigot)
Yes my children are *exposed* to my Femdom lifestyle *tools* but NOT to its sexually *explicit * acts, I plan on telling my children when they are of a mature age of my lifestyle .
Just for further clarification as far as I know it doesn't state any where on my Blog or site that I intend to involve my children in my lifestyle, if it does could you please point me to it, so I may remove the text.
Sorry if this seems harsh coming from me this is not my intention. I just want to make sure none of your readers misunderstand me, or think I’m shoving my sexual choice in my children's faces. All I do is not hide the facts of my Femdom like it’s a dirty secret, my children if/when they ask will told the truth to the questions they inquire, and Femdom will be portrayed as loving alternative to conventional mainstream sex (they are not, or will ever be, exposed to my choices but rather left to form their own opinions of what they require for themselves). I wont write any more on this comment as its not in keeping with the main intent on this thread, I will instead post on my own Blog what I am doing with my children.
I am presently involved in Early childhood development (and issue counseling) and currently studying my teachers aide qualifications.. I’ve fostered two teenagers with sexually abuse issues all with the agency being aware of my kinks...one of my sons is disabled and I have spoken to counselors about his perception of my acts. my decisions have not been made lightly or over night but more so over decades with informed information to back up MY decisions and choices to tell my children.
I want it clearly noted that I would never intentionally do any thing to harm a child (mentally or physically) if any thing I am a strong advocate to children's rights to a “normal” childhood. End comment
*I feel I should of added to the above comment that no matter what my sexual doctrine, I would choose to tell my children after all if they can’t accept their parents choices what hope do they have of accepting a strangers choice*
MY Blog
A number of studies researching human sexuality state that up to one in ten people are either gay, lesbian or bisexual, others indicate higher figures and some lower. Throw into the sexual melting pot, BDSM Femdom and all it related sub branches and you have quiet a diversity of sexual culture. Gay, lesbian and bisexual young people around the world come from a diverse range of social, cultural and racial backgrounds. It's still often difficult to tell other people about your sexuality, even though today many people appear to more accepting. In some cultures it is impossible to tell others without being rejected. Before you decide to tell your children anything, you need to carefully consider what it will mean to you/them. This will depend on your family situation, where you live, where you work and your own personal feelings and resources. For many people, *coming out* has been a great relief and a joy - for others it has brought pain and distress. It is suggested that you talk your situation over with an understanding counselor if possible and weight up all the positives and negatives plus evaluate the legal laws in your state/country. (
as Saratoga points out in his subsequent Blog )
In society, many people presume that everyone is heterosexual/straight. Some believe that everyone should be heterosexual/straight. In some countries homosexuality is illegal, in Australia homosexuality or being gay is legal. While BDSM/Femdom still hovers in the grey area.
Some people believe that being gay, lesbian or bisexual is a choice. Many others believe that people are born gay or lesbian. Many gay, lesbian and bisexual people say that if they really did have a choice, they would not choose to be gay or lesbian because of the possible discrimination. I feel the same is so, with Femdom that you are wired to it from birth and it is part of your genetic or inherent makeup.
In some countries/societies/people/cultures there is discrimination against and hate of gay and lesbian people. homophobia can make it very difficult for many young people to tell others that they are gay or lesbian.
A lot of people keep their sexuality secret because they're afraid of being harassed or discriminated against by their family, friends and others. Some young people find it difficult to deal with the issue of their sexuality and feel they can't tell anyone. This can make life very difficult for them because they're constantly hiding their sexuality.
We all have many parts to our personal identities. Our sexuality is a part of our personal identity; it's a part of who we are. Having to hide a part of our identity can lead to emotional pain and unhappiness.
When a part of our personal identity is damaged in some way it can effect us on a number of levels, including our mental health, in dramatic ways. My goal to teaching my children the diversity of sexual practices is to make them open to others choice and give them the knowledge to form their own beliefs and structures. I feel they need to be accepting of the diversity of sexual practices just as they need to be accepting of racial and cultural diversities.
Teenagers are already facing enough with problems of thinking they are different they don't fit in. Teenage suicide is at all time high from unacceptance. Gays , have to sometimes live in fear for their life if they don't keep there sexually hidden...is admitting you live a Femdom lifestyle such a hard thing when you believe in your choices so strongly...I’m not saying shout it from the roof proclaiming it is the correct way to live.. .just that there is nothing wrong with being open and honest about your choices if asked about or someone/your children seems interested...that's all I’m doing with my children...its not in there face...its just not hidden away like some dirty perverted secret. We portray it in a loving way.
It is natural to have concerns about how your son or daughter will handle or be affected by sexual matters/choices. Parents and teenagers can find it difficult to talk to each other at the best of times, but especially so when talking on an emotional topic like sex and sexual orientation. Most of us parents have the best of intentions and want to prepare our children for healthy sexual relations (and a healthily self image) but it can be uncomfortable when we feel embarrassed, or our teenagers do not want to talk because they feel self-conscious or confused. We can be faced with many sexual issues that weren’t talked about in our youth. We may feel our values are not the same as those of other people. One of the best things you can do is to make sure your child has accurate and honest information.
Today’s society forces our children at an early age to be sexually aware, Most kids are bombarded with images and information about sex no matter how hard you try to shield them from it – just look at TV, magazines, and billboards and music clips.
What kids need for balance is good, clear, factual information. And they need to hear it in an atmosphere of openness and support and who better to give this information but their parents or caregivers.
whether we like it or not. We cannot protect them from it but we can help by giving them information and support.
Parents who do not talk to teenagers openly about sexuality can put their children at risk by keeping knowledge and helpful information from them, or leaving them open to the misinformation of others, especially people their own age.
Just as children need to have good knowledge and skills for playing sport, studying at school, and road safety, they need to have good sexual education.
Ideally, talking about sex should start when children are very young and be done in an easy and comfortable way so that sex is seen as a normal part of life - not something to be laughed at or be ashamed of. Answer questions as they come up. If you don’t know the answer, find out, maybe together. (most reading material availed will suggest this approach)
Sex education of teenagers is much trickier than that of younger children. The age and maturity of your child will make a difference as to how you tackle the subject. Most young people will have a lot of knowledge from a variety of sources.
Teenagers have to come to terms with their developing sexuality and it is helpful if you support your children’s sexuality as they develop.
Sometimes we don’t know what our teenagers really think about sex, what their attitudes are or what they are up to. Often they don’t know what they think they know.
. Give the message that you believe it is important (and you believe in them) and you are trying to do the best for them.
Teenagers can be quite embarrassed by parents’ openness and their efforts to help them, however well-meaning. They might say they don’t want to talk about sex or put up a barrier, e.g. "I know it all". Leave well enough alone and tackle it another day.
If you avoid some questions, you are likely to just increase their natural curiosity and you may also send negative messages about any issues you avoid. If you don't know the answer or feel really uncomfortable answering a question, tell your child that you don't know, but that you will find the answer and tell them as soon as possible. Remember, kids will always look for the answers, and they may get the wrong information from someone else.
Feeling good about our bodies, as well as understanding the names/ functions of all our body parts, form the basis for a positive approach to sexuality and self image. Curiosity about bodies, babies and conception begins at an early age, while interest in special friends, alternative sexual practices, sexual feelings, "romance" and body changes occur around puberty. A strong foundation for my child to build on, to form their own mind. this my only sexual aim is for my children but most of all that they are happy and content in there choice and accepting of others differences and have a strong feeling of self worth and their own personal value .
This following piece I’ve decided to add is taken from the children's Developmental stages writings I have on hand as I studied it during my schooling I found it most interesting, and thought although it off topic, it might interest some parents of children and teen as to what is classed as normal sexual behavior by psychiatric practices and classed as normal stages of development
(my thoughts on the below...adding this text does not mean that I find such behavior as acceptable. Some of the behaviors mentioned below are clearly harmful and abusive. Others would be classified as immoral by many.)
Early childhood: Ages 0 - 5
Sexual curiosity, arousal, and behavior are spontaneously expressed unless the child is taught to inhibit them.
Children in the first two years of life engage in simple pleasurable handling of their genitals.
A few begin masturbating before age 2, but many begin at age 2 or 3 as they have developed sufficient muscle coordination.
If left unsupervised, play among 2- or 3-year olds can be sexual, although interest in sex play is not dominant.
In an Israeli kevutza[?], one researcher found play among two year olds sometimes included kissing each other, and touching each others' genitals.
At age 4, curiosity about their own genitals and those of peers increases. They may fondle their own genitalia and show them to others.
4- or 5- year olds like to talk about objects and activities that they sense adults consider dirty or taboo, including those that refer to body parts and sexual functions. They may use them to shock or challenge adults or to tease peers.
Doctor/nurse/patient games and similar forms of play become common. They may involve examining, touching, and manipulating others' genitals. Sex play is spontaneous, light-hearted, and exploratory rather than goal oriented.
Even play as intimate as kissing of others' genitals is reported by nursery school[?] staff.
Occasionally, 5-year olds may attempt sexual intercourse if they have learned about it from parents or other children.
Middle childhood: Ages 6 - 9
Sigmund Freud suggested that this was a time of sexual latency, when the healthy child ceased all sexual interest and was vulnerable to trauma if he or she experienced sexuality. Researchers find little evidence to support this theory.
Boys enjoy rule-breaking, including "talking dirty", and they get visibly excited while engaging in such talk. Sexual language and jokes increase during this time. Some boys may share pornography with each other.
Girls have giggling sessions with their friends, with sex often being the source of amusement.
Children may like to talk to their mother privately about sex, marriage, pregnancy, and birth, but may be disturbed about thoughts of intercourse and/or delivery. Their questions may persist over a long period of time.
They may be sensitive about an opposite sex sibling or playmate seeing them without clothing.
On the other hand, they continue to be curious about anatomical differences; playing "show" and "doctor" help satisfy that curiosity.
Sexual fantasies[?] among 8- or 9-year olds might take any form known to adults. One study showed they were aided by photos of nudes or pornographic magazines, or involved people the children knew.
Greater peer group activity can lead to group masturbation and sexual experimentation. If children are left unsupervised, sex play is predictable.
How sexual the activity becomes depends on how much sexual activity the children have observed and how permissive the society is. Children in cultures where they are able to observe adult sexual relations will engage in copulatory behaviors as early as 6 or 7 years of age.
A 1943 study of primarily white, middle and upper-middle class Midwestern urban boys found that 16% had had intercourse by age 8.
Sex play with older children is also common. Some is pleasant to the child, some is not. Children's interest and curiosity about sex may be exploited by older siblings or extended family members and caretakers.
Children become interested in boy/girl relationships and may have a girlfriend or boyfriend, but these relationships tend to be short with little personal involvement.
Pre pubescence: Age 10 to Puberty
Most boys understand the fundamentals of intercourse. Some view pornographic magazines together.
If there is any boy-girl pairing, it is usually done because the culture expects it. The relationships are predominantly social rather than sexual.
There are kissing games and more serious goal-directed kissing, frequently marked by excitement, erotic overtones, embarrassment, or guilt. Some is experienced very positively, some very negatively. Many American children acquire experience with deep kissing.
Often a sexual experience occurs as a result of a specific occasion such as an athletic event, a band or play rehearsal, a sleepover, a visit to cousins, or a party. Activities sometimes change from games or dancing into more intimate caressing and fondling. However, boy-girl genital fondling is not a universal experience in the United States.
A small proportion involves genital to genital contact or mouth to genital contact.
At least some American children experience oral sex, anal sex, or intercourse prior to puberty.
Studies are highly variable, finding that before age 13, from one-third to half have engaged in sex play, and from 20% to one-third have attempted or completed intercourse. One study found sexual activity was more frequent for boys in the lower socio-educational level, who had received sexual information from older boys or adult males. Their activity involved fondling, mutual masturbation, or fellatio.
While sexual intercourse is not common at this age in the U.S., it is established practice in some societies.
Studies have found that one-third to one-half of children have engaged in same-gender activity (such as masturbation, touching of the genitals, or exhibitionism) by age 14. (This appears to be unrelated to adult sexual orientation.)
Early adolescence: Pubescence to Age 14 or 15
The age of pubescence is highly variable: usually between 11 and 13, and generally occurs earlier for girls.
As the hormones come into play, there are rapid growth spurts and increasingly intense physical sensations. Sexual behaviors respond to a stronger biological mandate and the genital focus intensifies. Sexual experience may be the paramount goal.
Masturbation increases in frequency, and may be experienced alone or in groups.
Boys often acquire pornographic materials.
Some early adolescents fall in love and openly express their affectionate feelings.
Acquisition of opposite sex partners gains importance. But couples are fluid and change often, with little intimacy or commitment.
Many girls report experiencing a physical response in their involvement with boys.
Kissing is a favorite activity.
Many boys are interested in having sex with girls at 13, but are too awkward in their approach. A few actively seek sex with girls.
14 year old girls often prefer older boys because they have more social poise. Some initiate regular partner sex, but most are still group oriented, pairing off occasionally at parties and informal get-togethers.
Mid to Late Adolescence
By age 15, most boys have established a regular pattern of sexual activity; masturbation increases, and some have regular sex with girls.
Most girls are worried about reputation and fear being found out, but may decide to have intercourse if they are in love, if they trust the boy, and if the relationship seems secure.
Some boys, experiencing the sexual urgency of adolescence, may attempt to persuade, manipulate, and coerce girls into intercourse.
National data from 1988 indicate that one quarter of U.S. females and one third of males have had intercourse by age 15.
Sexual gratification is often eventually integrated into the context of a relationship with sexual reciprocity and mutual sharing.
Many girls and some boys at this age feel they are not ready for sexual intercourse, and couples may instead engage in mutual masturbation or oral sex.
References
Loretta Haroian, "Child Sexual Development", monograph prepared for student use at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, ca. 1985. Floyd M. Martinson, "Children and Sex, Part II: Childhood Sexuality", in Bullough, Vern Leroy & Bullough, Bonnie (eds.), Human Sexuality: An encyclopedia, New York: Garland Publishing, 1994, p. 111-116. Floyd M. Martinson, The Sexual Life of Children, Bergin & Garvey, 1994. ISBN 089789376X.
David L. Weis, "Childhood Sexuality", in Robert T. Francoeur (ed.), The International Encyclopedia of Sexuality, New York: Continuum, 1997.
