Often times a sub/slave may have to suppress, forego or even deny her/hisown feelings, needs and desires for the sake of satisfying her/his Dom/mesfeelings, needs and desires.
How does a sub/slave deal with or rationalize this and is this is reallyhealthy in the long term?
What does "total submission" to mean to me?Can it really be achieved?
I find myself battling with questions lately and find I’m thinking more and more about my sub/s state of mind after all one is the father to my children, my lover , my best friend.
Can I combine what I want... with wants in my Femdom life ..keeping the two parts of me distant, it’s becoming harder to achieve this holidays. I long for more Femdom styled activities but also long for the vanilla aspects as well and dealing with switching from one to the other is becoming a constant night mare of Scorsese mega production issues.
Life used to be simple ..I wanted.. I got. now I have to switch between the two and I’m struggling to find the mental balance I had before the school holidays. It’s a whole new ball game with a million page rule book, that I don't have the time to read. And even if I did I’d have to scrape off the play dough...Please don’t think I’m having ‘issues’ with my relationship I’m not ...I'm thinking, pondering and typing, call it a written doodle if you will. My of mind late just won’t concentrate on one topic... its either Femdom or children and the two don’t mix LOL my life has become a blur of day time feral dramas, and night time blissful Femdom pleasures. I guess the holidays are some what bad for me, I don't ‘cope ‘ well with nothing to do one thing has become clear during this break I need mental stimulation and a goal to achieve if I’m not working.
What brought this mood on.. I just finished a wonderful session where I couldn't of felt more bonded to My Oz. The power exchange was exquisite and exhilarating. I returned to the lounge room to regather my composure and let my adrenaline drop.. sat on the sofa with a throw rug ...naked in boots ... Sitting... I sat on a Lego creation complete with a dangling star wars thing? I had missed hidden in the crevasse of the sofa...it just snapped me back to Mummy world at a rapid rate... so there I sat... Mummy... naked... in thigh hi boots... holding a Lego ‘something’ ...Ohhh well back I slide into the blur... counting down days till the ferals return to school and life gets back its ‘normality’ either that or I’m joining the circus (again.) LOL
