Often times a sub/slave may have to suppress, forego or even deny her/hisown feelings, needs and desires for the sake of satisfying her/his Dom/mesfeelings, needs and desires.
How does a sub/slave deal with or rationalize this and is this is reallyhealthy in the long term?
What does "total submission" to mean to me?Can it really be achieved?
I find myself battling with questions lately and find I’m thinking more and more about my sub/s state of mind after all one is the father to my children, my lover , my best friend.
Can I combine what I want... with wants in my Femdom life ..keeping the two parts of me distant, it’s becoming harder to achieve this holidays. I long for more Femdom styled activities but also long for the vanilla aspects as well and dealing with switching from one to the other is becoming a constant night mare of Scorsese mega production issues.
Life used to be simple ..I wanted.. I got. now I have to switch between the two and I’m struggling to find the mental balance I had before the school holidays. It’s a whole new ball game with a million page rule book, that I don't have the time to read. And even if I did I’d have to scrape off the play dough...Please don’t think I’m having ‘issues’ with my relationship I’m not ...I'm thinking, pondering and typing, call it a written doodle if you will. My of mind late just won’t concentrate on one topic... its either Femdom or children and the two don’t mix LOL my life has become a blur of day time feral dramas, and night time blissful Femdom pleasures. I guess the holidays are some what bad for me, I don't ‘cope ‘ well with nothing to do one thing has become clear during this break I need mental stimulation and a goal to achieve if I’m not working.
What brought this mood on.. I just finished a wonderful session where I couldn't of felt more bonded to My Oz. The power exchange was exquisite and exhilarating. I returned to the lounge room to regather my composure and let my adrenaline drop.. sat on the sofa with a throw rug ...naked in boots ... Sitting... I sat on a Lego creation complete with a dangling star wars thing? I had missed hidden in the crevasse of the sofa...it just snapped me back to Mummy world at a rapid rate... so there I sat... Mummy... naked... in thigh hi boots... holding a Lego ‘something’ ...Ohhh well back I slide into the blur... counting down days till the ferals return to school and life gets back its ‘normality’ either that or I’m joining the circus (again.) LOL
7 comments:
Bonnie, I find it hard to believe that you have trouble enjoying the fluidity that can be had between a loving couple that enjoys both BDSM and traditional romance.
But it isn't always easy to put it into words.
We have had a bit of trouble figuring out exactly how that works for us. We love intense scenes. But snuggling and watching movies together.
I was new to it and had (OK, have) those extreme fantasies that submissive guys often do. Sometimes when she was thinking "Why don't you just come over here and be my boyfriend for now."
For me what we call "pet play" was my way of appreciating the full range of how we could be together. We don't do it as a formal kind of things like some people do where I have to eat out of a dog bowl or the like. It is a space where I can be demonstratively humble without evoking any sort of serious "power exchange." It opened my mind to not thinking of either/or but treating it as a buffet where we might or might not select different items at any given time. Like the nights when the kinkiest thing I do is kiss her feet while massaging them. I don't need fetish to enjoy touching her skin.
Thanks Richard,
It's not so much that I'm not enjoying the fluidity as I'm overloading on it.
I'm a person that needs time to herself and I think maybe the holidays (6 weeks)with 'all' my family home has been adjustment I've had to make. Normally the time together is fantastic but the time period has always been shorter than this holiday.
Bonnie, I'm with you. By the tiem the holidays are over, I just want to crawl into a cave for a couple of weeks and be alone!. The shopping and visiting and cooking and partying and juggling schedules... both of us invariably get sick, except that it's staggered so we might go for a couple of weeks to over a month with no intimate time. Grrr!
Tom
The Edge of Vanilla
Hang in there hon! As we say among my people "I feel you." I have also experienced the pull of both worlds and you give each its due and try to find humor in it all. Just think, so many women only have all of just one world. You have balance.
Struggles in a slave's mind never stop! However with the right training-especially mental- You will make him exactly the way You want him to be.
I've posted various posts to My blog about the subject.My readers find them educational.You can give it a try if You want to at:
http://exploringtheds.blogspot.com
MsAlice
Thanks tom,
Can I have the address to the solitude cave...cause Damn i need it LOL I'm so glad these holidays have finally come to an end.
thanks Catwoman,
Yes your right I do have that balance, just needed to step back and see it again.
Ms Alice
thanks for the comment, and the link, in actuality it's not my slave that needs/ed the mental adjustment, it's was me, I just didn't cope with Femdom overload (too much bliss) and my children all being home (holidays). I was either MissBonnie or Mummy.. it was the me, in the middle ground I needed to find.
Hey Lady,
Just dropping you a line to see how you have fared after a few more weeks removed from the holidays. I have had many a meltdown around the holidays, it comes from being Superchick, it can catch up to you.
I re-read your blog entry here and I had to smile. I don't know if you are familiar with an author and humorist named Erma Bombeck. she writes a lot funny stuff about her life as a mom and wife and finds humor in the chaos of fulfilling so many roles to her family. You are like her sexy kinky counterpart. Check her out sometime, your entry sounded like something she would write if she was kinky.
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